Him: (showing off his new headphones) See? They even have a gold-plated connector.
Me: That's nice, dear.
Him: Hey, you could scrape it off and be slightly richer.
Me: Er, you could...
Him: Don't sound so skeptical. Come the zombpocalypse, we'll revert to a precious-metals-based economy.
Me: What?? No we won't. We'll be using a strictly functional currency, back to barter-and-trade.
Him: Yeah, but what would we trade? Wheat? Grains maybe?
Me: No, for living in a world populated by zombies, I'd propose a viscera-based economy.
Him: Eew.
Me: I wonder if value would be related to volume, or if it would just be brain-weight as a determinant.
Him: Capitalist.
Me: No, that's socialist. From each according to his abilities...

Me: Good morning.
Him: Hello. Interesting news, an earthquake measuring 5.4 on the Richter scale was felt throughout Southern California early Monday. The aftershocks are still being felt through Kirstie Alley.
Me: Where's... what? Oh. OH. You... you are a VERY BAD MAN.
Him: *smirk*
Me: SMIRKING ONLY MAKES IT WORSE.

Me: (doing vain little twirl) Well?
Him: It looks very nice.
Me: Thank you.
Him: I don't think you could wear it to work, though.
Me: Why not?
Him: Isn't there some rule about how many inches of cleavage are appropriate for the workplace?
Me: Yes, 1.5".
Him: I can see more than 1.5" of cleavage...
Me: No, you can't. Because I don't have cleavage. I have breastbone.
Him: I'm pretty sure that's against the rules too.
Me: Damn.

(while watching a Star Trek in which Captain Pircard asks "is there another?" Yes. "Do you know where he is?" But it turns out that it's not a he, it's a SHE! Oooh, burn!

Me: That sexist pig, assuming the male pronoun! Wouldn't there be some gender neutral pronoun in the future?
Him: We already have one.
Me: We do?
Him: Yeah... "Do you know where they is?"

Him: Hey, did you know that cancer now beats out heart disease as the leading cause of death in North America?
Me: Really? Good news for me, because I'm going to die of heart disease.
Him: Yeah, that's likely. Me too. I wonder, though, with the growth of the obesity epidemic, if things will change and heart disease will take over again?
Me: ...go cancer!

(Yeah, I'm going to hell.)

Me: What's that you're eating?
Him: (cheesy grin) Fruit Loops!
Me: You bought Fruit Loops?
Him: Brand name Fruit Loops!
Me: Why did you buy Fruit Loops?
Him: A sale! A Fruit Loops sale! Want some?
Me: You're so evil. And stop saying "Fruit Loops" like that.
Him: Do you want some (pause) Fruit Loops! or not?
Me: ... Oh, OK.
Him: (bringing me a bowl of Fruit Loops) Adults love to eat their childhood cereals. It's a thing.
Me: ... OH MY GOD.
Him: What??
Me: They taste exactly like I remember them tasting when I was a kid.
Him: Of course. They're probably even from the same batch.

Damian and I have plans to travel, one day. Spend some time working in a few countries other than Canada, and see the sights. At first we were thinking France. Damian's sister lives in Mozambique, and that might be interesting (as long as you don't mind having all your stuff stolen every other week). Eventually I voted for Iceland or Ireland, because they both start with I. And are experiencing economic booms.

This is a long-term plan, of course. Looong term. Once I get some graduate work under my belt, say. One of the reasons we thought about this is because Damian has EU citizenship - he was born in England (though he moved quickly to remedy the situation, and landed in Canada when he was four). No lineups, no visas, no work permits, just walk in and set your bag down and say to the nearest guy in a suit "Are you hiring, sirrah?"

Anyway, for me to benefit from the lovely EU passport, I have to be married to whassisname. And it can't just be a sham marriage. I have to be married to him for four whole years!

Him: You mean we have to be officially married?
Me: Yep.
Him: And the decade that we've been together already doesn't count?
Me: Nope.
Him: A decade. Wow. That weirds me out.
Me: Oh, stop, you incurable romantic you.
Him: No, I mean, ten years! And I'm still just getting to know you!
Me: (waves) Hi!

The benefits of marriage, it's been pointed out, are numerous, particularly at first: holding a wedding means that you get lots of stuff. You get to host a dinner party that's all about you. And if one of you is hospitalized, you don't have to argue with the nurses about visiting hours. And, of course, people suddenly take your relationship seriously, despite the fact that you've been living together for longer than most married people stay married.

But I've been warned that, before you get married, you have to cultivate rich friends. Because they give the best gifts. So, if you're rich, leave me a comment so that I can add your name to the "Pro" column. Otherwise, well, we'll just elope instead.